ACT TWO 

SCENE ONE

INT. HARRY'S KITCHEN -- THE NEXT MORNING
(Harry, Carol, Barbara, Charley, Dreyfuss)

(FADE IN:)

(CAROL AND BARBARA ARE IN THE KITCHEN SETTING UP AN ELABORATE BREAKFAST)

BARBARA

    A tattoo? Now that was a lame excuse.

CAROL

      I was just trying to bail you out of that stupid

        rowing machine.  I thought it was a pretty 

     swift save, myself.

BARBARA

      Remind me not to fall overboard when you're on

  watch.  Boy, If he's that worked up about some 

 rinky-dink tattoo, could you imagine how he'd

   react if he knew the real reason...

CAROL
        
        I hate to admit it, but you're right. If he knew you 

   were shot...well, he'd probably kill you.

(CHARLEY ENTERS WEARING A GAUDY FORMAL MORNING SUIT AND CARRYING A NEWSPAPER. HE MODELS HIS SUIT AS HE ENTERS)

CHARLEY

  Ta Da!  So, what do you think?

(BARBARA AND CAROL LAUGH)

BARBARA

  If you're taking requests, how about Song Sung  

        Blue?
   
CHARLEY

 Go ahead, laugh. But a special meal demands 

    special attire. So....

(CHARLEY GOES TO INSPECT THE MEAL)

CHARLEY (CONT'D)

        let's see...sausage, belgian waffles, eggs benedict...

  fresh squeezed juice...hash browns...Uh oh, I see 

      something is missing.

CAROL

      What? We double checked your list three times.

CHARLEY

   That's not the special blend coffee I requested.

CAROL

   Why don't you hitch a ride on Juan Valdez's ass.
 
BARBARA

        That would be redundant.

CHARLEY

 Speaking about asses, I don't have to stand here

        and be insulted...I'll just go and show this little

     article on page five to Harry...

BARBARA

 Let me see that.

(SHE GRABS THE PAPER AND READS)

BARBARA (CONT'D)

 GUNFIGHT at the OK GAS-A-RAMA...

CHARLEY

 And it names names.

(HARRY ENTERS WITH DREYFUSS. BARBARA TRIES TO HIDE THE PAPER. HARRY SEEMS OBLIVIOUS TO ALL BUT BARBARA)

HARRY

 Look, Barbara, about last night...I didn't mean

 to fly off the handle like that, but I just have this

   thing about tattoos...

CHARLEY

   But they're all the rage...and not just to cover up

     old scars.

(CAROL HITS CHARLEY TO SHUT HIM UP. HARRY LOOKS AROUND THE KITCHEN AND NOTICES THE MEAL)

HARRY

(TO CAROL)

       What's this? What happened to lean, mean,       clean 

  cuisine?

CAROL

   Oh...I've enrolled in this cooking class...and Charley

  has volunteered to be my guinea pig.

HARRY

(SARCASTICALLY)

         Is that what you're dressed up as?

CHARLEY

      I'll have you know that I wore this when I had 

 breakfast with the president. 

CAROL

     Do you expect us to believe that you ate a meal

 with the President of the United States?

CHARLEY
 
        Who said anything about the United States...

    I was talking about the president of the cruise 

        ship pursur's association. Now, he's an important 

      guy.....

(CHARLEY SITS DOWN. DREYFUSS PUTS HIS HEAD ON THE TABLE)
CHARLEY (CONT'D)

        Ah...a meal fit for a king.

CAROL

        You're one king I'd sure like to crown.

BARBARA

  Daddy, listen, there's something I should tell you.

     About that tattoo...well, it's not really...

HARRY

       Look, honey, I did some thinking last night. I 

 realized, my  God, you're my babies. I just worry. 

     If anything happened to any of you, I just don't 

       know what I'd   do...But still, I guess if you want a 

  tattoo, for some God-forsaken reason...well, then       

        it's your own choice...I mean, it's not like a little 

  butterfly on your bottom is going to kill       you.  Now, 

     what did you want to say to me?

BARBARA

  It's a..a...rose, just a small one...I wanted to cover

  up a little scar from an ugly, old mole I had 

  removed.


(HARRY GIVES A FAINT SMILE. THEN REACHES FOR THE NEWSPAPER, CAROL REACTS QUICKLY, SHE GRABS THE PAPER SMASHES THE COUNTER AND THEN CRUMPLES IT AND TOSSES IT IN THE TRASH. HARRY REACTS CONFUSED AND UPSET)

CAROL

        An ant...a big one...you know how I hate ants. 

(DISSOLVE TO:)