ACT TWO

SCENE TWO

INT. NURSES' STATION -- LATER SAME DAY
(Laverne, Harry, Max Adler, Stevie Adler)

(LAVERNE IS BEHIND THE DESK ORGANIZING SOME CHARTS. HARRY ENTERS FROM AN EXAMINATION ROOM HOLDING A CHART)

LAVERNE

        So anyway, I knew this guy once who got a little

        tattoo on a dare, you know just one of those little 

    cute Moms-in-a-heart-with-an-arrow ones, on his

 arm. The next thing you know he was coming down

 to the swimming hole with dragons, and snakes, 

 and clever little sayings like Born to Burn Rubber 

     all over his body...Why, he was more colorful than

      the family tree crazy quilt my Grandma Hattie put 

      together for the Fourth of July reunion....

HARRY

        Laverne! You know, you're not making this any

   easier.


LAVERENE

 Well, I just thought you'd be interested.  By the

       the way, did you ever see that movie in which 

  Bruce Dern kidnaps Maud...what's-her-name...you

 know, the one who played Octopussy...and he 

    puts tattoos all over her body, and she ends up

 stabbing him with a little sliver of a broken

   mirror...

HARRY

   Laverne! Would you mind dropping the subject.

(MAX AND STEVIE ADLER ENTER. THIS TIME STEVIE IS LIMPING. MAX IS CARRYING A NEWSPAPER) 

LAVERNE

    And what have we done this time?

MAX

     You know that alligator's tail you

      told him he could skateboard off of? Well, he...

LAVERNE

 Oh, my gosh, he didn't think I meant...

MAX

      No, no, of course not...he just got a little wild

       with a trash barrel and a piece of plywood.
(HARRY AND STEVIE EXIT INTO AN EXAMINATION ROOM)

LAVERNE

      Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?

MAX
        
        I have a feeling that even if I did mind, you'd ask

     anyway...So go ahead, ask away.

LAVERNE

  Well, how should I put this, I just can't help

  but wondering why a man of your...um...station

  in life, would want to...

MAX

    You're hardly the first to wonder...You know I 

 was a dyed-in-the-wool bachelor for over sixty 
 
        years, then I met his mother. There was this

    biological clock thing...I never really knew how

        wonderful it was to be a father...and I'm glad

  I waited. I have more time and love to give him

 now than I ever would have had when I was just 

 starting out.  So, do you have any children?

LAVERNE

     No, not at the moment. But my Grandma Hattie

    had twelve.

MAX

  Twelve? That's not a family, that's a corporation.

      By the way, Dr. Weston isn't any relation to the

        policewoman who was injured in that shootout 

   yesterday?

LAVERNE

       Just what are you talking about?

MAX

     It was mentioned in the paper. Here, see for

    yourself...

(MAX HANDS LAVERNE THE PAPER AND SHOWS HER THE ARTICLE.
LAVERNE READS AND LOOKS REALLY UPSET)

LAVERNE

  Oh, God...Oh...God...Oh, God...

(LAVERNE GOES OVER TO THE EXAMINATION ROOM AND OPENS THE DOOR )

(DISSOLVE TO:)
    


ACT TWO

SCENE THREE

INT. HARRY'S LIVING ROOM -- A SHORT WHILE LATER
(Barbara, Carol, Harry, Dreyfuss, Postman)
     
(BARBARA IS LYING ON THE COUCH ON HER STOMACH, SHE'S TRYING TO EAT POPCORN BUT FINDING IT DIFFICULT TO SWALLOW IN A PRONE POSITION. DREYFUSS IS EATING WHATEVER SHE SPILLS. CAROL IS TALKING ON THE PHONE)

CAROL

(INTO TELEPHONE)

 So, you'll have the meal here by 5:30, right?

   That's 1755 Fairview...right.  And it'll all be ready

   to serve..right? ...Right...okay...bye. 

BARBARA

 That seemed easy enough.

CAROL

   But it's coming out of your rear pocket,

        or should I say, your hide.

BARBARA

      Enough with the butt puns, Carol... 

CAROL

       Boy, you don't have to be such a bummer.

BARBARA

  One more crack and I'll toss you out on your ear.

CAROL

 I got the crack part, but don't you mean you'll

 toss me out on my fanny?

BARBARA

 Alright, that does it...

CAROL

   Okay, okay, I'll can it.

(BARBARA STANDS UP AND GIVES CAROL A THREATENING LOOK.
DREYFUSS JUMPS UP ON BARBARA AND KNOCKS HER DOWN ON THE COUCH. BARBARA YELPS IN PAIN)

CAROL

        That's a good boy...teach her to make scary faces...

(HARRY ENTERS. HE'S FRANTIC)

HARRY

   Your own father...you don't even tell your own 

 father. No, he has to read about it in the newspaper

    like some stranger...What are you trying to prove?

      That your some sort of John Wayne in size five

  shoes...



BARBARA

 Calm down, Daddy, I was going to tell you, but...

HARRY

  But you didn't, did you...No, no...fathers wouldn't

     care about little things like bullets...

BARBARA

 Daddy...

(HARRY LOOKS AT CAROL)

HARRY

     A tattoo...you really had me going on that one...

       a tattoo my ...

CAROL

(TO DREYFUSS)

       Let's say you and I slip into the kitchen for 

  about a month.

(CAROL AND DREYFUSS EXIT. HARRY PACES FUMING)

BARBARA

      Look, Daddy, I didn't want you to worry...


HARRY

(WITH A BITTER TONE)

     Not worry? Well isn't that just dandy...

        My daughter plays dodge ball with real bullets

  and she doesn't want me to worry.

(HARRY SITS ON THE COUCH, AND TAKES A DEEP BREATH)

BARBARA

      Daddy, it was nothing...only a flesh wound...

HARRY

      Yeah, right...a flesh wound...nothing...Well, what

      about next time? Will it be a limb? A life?  You

        know what I think...Well, I'll tell you what I think...

 I think there isn't going to be a next time...I want 

   you off that suicide brigade...

BARBARA

  I'm not quitting.

HARRY

  We had an agreement.

BARBARA

     I know, but I never thought it would come to this.

      I can't quit...I like my job...I have a contract.

HARRY

  Contracts can be broken.

BARBARA

 Oh, fine...that's just fine. I see, it's alright for me

 to break my contract, but it's not alright for me

       to reconsider some promise I made just to stop

  you from hounding me senseless after falling from

       a stupid tree...        

HARRY

(TENSE, BUT NOT AS FRANTIC)

        It wasn't the falling from a tree that bothered

 me, it was...well...I was afraid. I realized for the
    
        first time that your being a cop meant you could

        get hurt...you could get really hurt...I worry 

 every time I see you go out that door...

BARBARA

 You don't think that I worry...You don't think

  that I'm afraid...well..well...well...

(BARBARA BEGINS TO CRY. HARRY PUTS HIS ARM ON HER)

BARBARA (CONT'D)

(BREAKING UP, BUT WITH CONVICTION)

      Look, I know there are risks...I know what I do

 is dangerous...but it's important. Yesterday, when I

    got shot...well, it frightened me, but what's worse 

    is it could have been some innocent teenager who 

       just happened to be pumping gas...or it could have 

     been some child passing by in the street...If I were 

   to let something like that happen, well, I just 

        couldn't live with myself. 

HARRY

        But you're my child...I just can't stand the thought...

BARBARA
  
        I know that...I'm not asking you to stop worrying,

      All I'm asking is for you to trust me, to understand

    that my job means something to me...I just need 

        you to be able to live with it...

HARRY

(SIGHING AND IN A GENTLE TONE)

    Oh, sweetie, it's so hard...I can't promise anything, 

  but I guess I can try.  Can you just promise me 

        something...

BARBARA

(DEFENSIVELY)

        I'm not quitting...

HARRY

        I know...I know. Just promise me...no tattoos.

(HARRY AND BARBARA HUG)

(SFX: DOORBELL)

(CAROL ENTERS IN A HURRY. DREYFUSS FOLLOWS)

CAROL

    I'll get it, I'll get it...

(CAROL GOES TO THE DOOR, PRIMPS HERSELF A LITTLE, STRIKES A SEXY POSE AND OPENS THE DOOR)

CAROL

       And how may I be of service?

(WE SEE THE POSTMAN'S HAND HOLDING OUT THE PACKAGE)

POSTMAN

(HEARD ONLY)
      
        I have a certified package here for one Carol 

  Weston.

CAROL

(POSING AND IN A SEXY TONE)

 That would be me. 
      
POSTMAN

 Sign by the x, Ma'am. 

CAROL

     I can't imagine what's in here. After all, I broke

      off my engagement months ago...

(DREYFUSS BOLTS TO THE DOOR. WE HEAR THE POSTMAN RUNNING)

CAROL

   No, Dreyfuss...Stop...Come back...

(DREYFUSS COMES BACK IN  WITH A TORN PIECE OF THE POSTMAN'S PANTS HANGING FROM HIS MOUTH. CAROL CLOSES
THE DOOR AND LOOKS FRAZZLED)

CAROL

       Oh...what a bummer.

HARRY

(LOOKING AT BARBARA)

    And I worry about you?



END OF ACT TWO